cacophony.
my father learnt STANDARD ENGLISH by studying the DICTIONARY and watching AMERICAN FILMS that glorified the rugged individual, the male protagonist with a five o'clock shadow. he now constructs beautiful sentences, with a perfectly neutral accent, but if you look at the language of his body, you will see AGONY. he writes covertly on the autonomous facebook profile, "i am an enigma to myself." he writes, writes, writes long letters about nationality and his father's death. he articulates, but does not join up.
god damn, he's such a brilliant man, or so the paycheck says, but i don't know anymore. success or suckcess? Bob Dylan's the only man I want to be. he transcends, always, with a mischevious smile. i am interested in this transcendence. i am interested in all words that start with the prefix "trans-" because i want to get outside of this power paradigm.
instead of being a success, let me get wrapped up in text, to lose the self, to become two, mingle mingle mingle mmmmmmmmhmmmm. transport narrative, all intoxicated. to travel with someone, eyes closed,  destination undecided, landscape a'blur. the author takes me there. i am him, he is me, there is no difference, because text is sex. it is the realization that we are one, in one skin, immobilized in our momets of simultaneity. death, we defy you because WE continue: not I (in the conventional sense of the "I"), but WE and the realization that "I" is an inextricable part of the "we."
 I wish I could tell this to my father so that he would no longer write long letters about how his father died. I wish that we could stop this glorification of the enigma, of the rugged individual with the five o'clock shadow. alas, i, too, fall for this ruse, as i'm all infatuated by dylan's cult of personality. so i will not impose these ideas onto my grieving father. i will not write this to my father because this is just a wish, it'll never come true. "as time goes by" explains it all. the persistent desire for DIFFERENCE, never DIALOGISM
feb 4, 2011